A few years ago I had a MOMENT. We were deep in the pandemic so the kids were still home trying to do virtual learning, and I was at work in the hospital trying (unsuccessfully) not to freak out. Which was a new feeling for me. As an RN for 18 years I have experienced numerous unpredictable and scary events, so why was this moment any different?

I was standing in the dressing room with a chai tea latte in my hand, listening to the Charge RN lead the Huddle, when an absolute wave of terror washed over me.

I felt like I was going to die, throw up, or pass out.

I found a bathroom & I had my first panic attack in the hospital. It sucked so bad. I think it lasted about 10 minutes, but of course, felt like a lifetime. I emerged from the bathroom looking very gray with a stomach ache, but I did what all nurses have to do at the start of a shift. I took report on my patients.

That day was a big wake-up call for me. I ended up having 3 more panic attacks at work and I decided something had to give. I needed to figure out why my nervous system was going haywire, why I had bone-deep fatigue, and why my body hurt so much.

So, I finally started taking care of myself again after years of only caring for others.

I learned how to meditate, and how to identify the triggering situations and  thoughts leading to my body wanting to freak out.  

I found so much relief through sitting in quiet, walking, laughing, reading all the books, and talking to others who are experiencing similar events.

We can only neglect taking care of ourselves for so long. At some point, the body and mind will rebel.

I’ve been through my rebellion, and now I am here to say I’ve got you. Let’s get to work on this together. You will feel so.much.better.