Why Your “Biggest Weakness” Might Actually Be Your Biggest Strength
Turning the “weakness” of being a highly sensitive person into a strength to connect with others
I was labeled “highly sensitive” early on as a kid.
Now, I’ve learned new ways to think about myself and that sensitivity can be a strength.
If you’ve ever been told you’re “too sensitive,” “too loud,” “too…something,” or that part of your personality is a weakness, you’re not alone. Many highly sensitive people grow up believing they need to “toughen-up” to succeed in life. What if this sensitive trait isn’t something to be hidden or fixed? What if this trait is actually a strength that we haven’t let ourselves use to our benefit?
I used to believe that being “highly sensitive” was a flaw and a total weakness. An actual blot on my character. It was something I needed to toughen up, fix or hide…especially working in healthcare.
My brain assumed this part of me was a weakness after a lifetime of hearing:
“You are so sensitive”
“You worry too much”
“Don’t let that get to you”
“You can’t have thin skin working in a hospital”
Over time, because so many unthinking adults said things like this to me, I started to believe them.
Maybe you’ve felt this way too.
Maybe you were also told you are “too sensitive.”
Or maybe it was a different part of your nature that adults labeled as “too much…” too emotional, too quiet, too loud, too intense…Whatever they told you, you knew it was looked upon as a flaw, and something you shouldn’t be doing.
Where did this story come from?
Looking back, I can see how early this “weakness” all started.
In kindergarten I cried when another kid threw up, not because I was scared for myself, but because I could see how scared he was.
I would get overstimulated in busy environments and often got migraines.
In nursing school I felt nauseous when I saw a chest tube inserted at the bedside, not because I “couldn’t handle it,” but because I could see the patient’s pain. I was deeply attuned to what they were feeling.
In the hospital I quickly learned that emotions were something to push aside to get through your shift. I know not all nurses and staff ascribe to this belief, but I definitely received the message that we need to buck-up and continue on.
I started to believe, “if I’m going to make it in the hospital and succeed as a nurse, I need to be less like myself. Don’t let my sensitivity show.”
But here’s the thing, just because something was repeated to you over and over doesn’t mean it’s true. It doesn’t mean it’s a weakness.
Question the story
Think about moments in childhood, or now, where someone said you were being “too much.” Maybe they hurt your feelings or you got angry as a result because they attacked an aspect of your character.
Take a moment and ask yourself:
What is something about me I’ve labeled as a “weakness?”
Who taught me that this was a problem?
Have I ever questioned this story…or just accepted it as truth?
What’s a possible reframe to turn that weakness into a strength?
Hold onto this “weakness” for now, we’ll return to it in a moment.
The turning point
Becoming aware of my “weakness” and choosing strength
It wasn’t until I started doing the inner work of questioning my thoughts that I began to realize how this aspect of my personality was actually a strength.
My sensitivity didn’t disappear. My relationship to it changed.
I stopped trying to resist feeling my own emotions. I stopped feeling shame for getting overstimulated in loud places, or when patients started yelling. This is an OK part of me.
I realized that what is called “too sensitive” is actually an ability to pick up on subtle shifts in people - their tone, their body language, their emotional state.
I can walk into a room and pick up the vibe immediately.
The danger here is that sensitive people can become overwhelmed by the energy of others. It can be a total energy drain to have to absorb all these vibes given off by people and the environment.
The real issue wasn’t the sensitivity itself. It was that I didn’t have boundaries with it. I was feeling everything…absorbing it and carrying all of it. No wonder I started to have panic attacks in the hospital, I was letting in all the emotions of pain and suffering and overwhelm. But I couldn’t just stop being highly attuned to my environment, that’s part of who I am.
I needed to learn boundaries and tools to help me exist in a very overstimulating environment such as a hospital.
Tools to enhance your sensitivity strength
Wall of water
One practice that greatly helps me in the moment of “sensitivity” is imagining a wall of water between me and the other person, or an event in the world. Being a former competitive swimmer I love any image or feeling of water washing over me.
The wall of water means you can still be present with a person and understand their experience, but you don’t get consumed by their emotions. We don’t need to drown in the pool with them if we stay in our part of the water, still holding their hand and helping them along.
Separate bubble
Another helpful practice involves envisioning you and the other person in your own separate bubbles. You have a physical boundary and you don’t need to blend into the other person’s emotional state. This image really helps me when my kids are crashing-out and I don’t want to crash-out alongside them.
Notice emotions vs absorb them
The next time you feel overwhelmed by someone else’s emotions or experience, or an event going on in the world, pause and ask yourself:
What am I noticing right now?
What am I feeling in my body?
Is this all of mine to absorb and hold onto?
You don’t have to shut off your awareness, become cold or callous or indifferent to the world. You do get to decide what you hold onto, how you react, and how you release the intense feelings from your body.
Take time to down-regulate
Read these posts about stress management and the importance of rest for nervous system balance.
This powerful quote
Remember this quote the next time you’re feeling bombarded by another’s big presence:
“Don’t let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace” -The Dalai Lama
Once I learned how to “see” the energy and emotions of others without absorbing them, everything changed.
That same sensitivity I once saw as a weakness became one of my greatest strengths. I can now use my sensitivity to understand the struggles a patient or a child is going through and keep my own sanity without absorbing everything going on around me.
This strength allows me to:
Pick up on subtle shifts in people very quickly (super helpful as an RN)
Connect with others
Create a sense of calm in stressful environments
Help people feel understood when they’ve felt alone
My patients in the hospital have told me I have a very strong, calm aura that is comforting in such an intense place. I’ve had patients tell me they were hoping I would be back as their nurse and were so happy to see me to take care of them again.
I’ve also realized that as a child I had to be perceptive because I was living in a violent, volatile environment. I had to learn how to read the room so I wouldn’t accidentally trigger my father’s anger. I became hypervigilant to stay emotionally and physically safe.
Having compassion for this side of me has allowed me to see that I’ve turned a painful struggle into something that serves me well as an adult.
These days I say, you know what? I’m aware that I have thin skin! I wear it with pride. So what if sometimes I become a little tearful when a patient trusts me enough to tell me about their hardest struggles? I know that in those moments I am helping someone process their thoughts and emotions as one part of their healing. And that is strength.
Your practice: what if this “weakness” is a strength?
Bring back those “weaknesses” I asked you to hold onto for a few moments. With those character traits in mind, I encourage you to ask yourself these questions:
In what situations could this trait actually be helpful?
How might this trait allow me to connect to people, to lead, or support others?
What would it look like to use this trait on purpose instead of fighting it or hiding it?
If you dig a little deeper into other parts of your personality that you’ve labeled as a weakness, a flaw, a deficit, a silliness…you can begin to question all of it. Do you need to believe the messages you received? What other thoughts can you believe about yourself?
There’s two sides to any coin and I’m certain you can find the strength on the opposite side of yours.
Here’s a process we can use anytime we find ourselves labeling something about us as a weakness that we’d like to reframe:
Question the belief
Why do I think this is a weakness?
Separate your voice from others
From whom and where did I get this belief…did I create it or did someone else?
Reframe the trait
How else might I describe this part of me?
Choose how to use it
How could this part of me serve me, or someone else?
Final reflection
You don’t have to believe every thought you’ve been taught to believe about yourself.
You’re allowed to question it.
You’re allowed to reframe it.
You’re allowed to throw the thought away and choose something new!
This is the power of personal growth. We are becoming aware of how our experiences have shaped us, and now we get to decide what we do with them.
I think that’s pretty cool.
